'Nobody's Fault But Mine' and 'Suicide Solution' and 'Dazed and Confused'

Nobody's Fault But Mine

I'm still clueless about two things.

1.With what face does Mr.Devegowda still plead innocence for the perfect drama orchestrated at his behest.Bang-galore?!!!

2.Why have I not suffered a nervous breakdown?.Seriously,when I look back at the traveling and the taxes that my mind has paid over the last one month, it makes me wonder as to how I'm still in one piece!All this traveling has no doubt left my frail body in a much better condition. But my mind is on the verge of a breakdown wondering how the hell could I take all this and still remain sane. Three thoughts of commiting suicide were nipped in the bud by friend dearest Bharath.Just hope that tolerating me hasn't made him develop thoughts on suicide!!

Here's the flashback

Jan 7-8 Mumbai

Jan 14-15 Mumbai

Jan 20-22 Fashion Show,Surat(I anchored it alright.Don't ever imagine me walking on
the ramp!)

Jan 27-30 IIM-A Chaos trip

Feb 3 Surat-Mindbend Quiz(2nd place)
First Suicide Thought
The quiz got over at 2.We boarded the train to Ahmedabad at 5.

Feb 4 Ahmedabad-The IMS quiz(The day we came on top!)

Feb 10-11 Ahmedabad,Delhi,Ahmedabad The IMS quiz National Finals
Second Suicide Thought

Feb 16 Ahmedabad -TATA Crucible
Third Suicide Thought


Suicide Solution

Why the three suicidal thoughts?!

1.Feb 3 Mindbend Mega Quiz

During one of the rounds in the quiz,we had to choose a particular state in India and Parnab would ask us a question about that state.Me and Harsha pride ourselves on having decent knowledge about our state and hence chose Karnataka,but were unable to answer a question on
him.

That probably cost us the first place. But more than that what led me to think about commiting suicide was that inspite of knowing everything about the person we couldnot identify it was him.(No,it wasn't a visual).Good times,Bad times.Certainly very true.
I remember writing about the elated(well,not much!) state we were in when we answered questions in this quiz.Quizzing indeed is a great leveller. And about my suicide thoughts,my belief that my knowledge about my state was 'decent' was under serious doubt.Maybe, I shouldn't take quizzing this seriously.But then, read on. The story has just begun!

2.Feb 11-IMS quiz NationalFinals

I HATE BUZZERS IN QUIZZES. I firmly believe that they go against the spirit of quizzing,where one works out the answer. Maybe I should have been born with a buzzer in my hand.Maybe then I'd have been good at buzzers in quizzes. But for my stupidity with the buzzer,we'd have finished fourth. Ultimately, we finished sixth out of eight teams.That in no way is a reflection of our performance or our abilities.Buzzers were my nemesis during University Challenge.And now they returned to haunt me during the IMS quiz. Ab Buzz,bahut ho gaya!

The Delhi trip deserves a special post, for I met some very special people there.
Handa,Karthik,Arjun and Kunal.Though I must admit I'd have loved to spend a little more 'quality time' with Kunal.But then, he was in his own world. CP was great, as were the the party and the free air trip. But what I won't forget for a long long time to come is the intellectual bakchodi I had with Handa,Kartik and Arjun following the party in the hotel room.Just wish I had some more time to spend with them.What made the whole experience of meeting all these people so special was that my percentages,my placement,my CAT score weren't the criteria on which I was judged!

3. Feb 16 TATA Crucible Ahmedabad

Damn,we didn't even qualify for the finals.And we traveled for ten hours to attend a two hour quiz.It hurts when you don't qualify.It hurts when you write three right answers,strike them off and then write the wrong answer.Getting into the finals of the TATA Crucible would have been a perfect icing on the cake for what has been a very hectic quizzing month.But then, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Made me realise that when one stays in a place like Surat you need to have that extra bit, to be able to travel for five hours starting at 5 in the morning and still be fresh enough to do well in a quiz. Surat ain't khoob-surat anymore.

Dazed and Confused
Tonight's turn of events have left me dazed,confused and more importantly,amused. Amused about life and its complications,people and their reactions.I can understand people go to a higher level when they are spirited,but I suddenly feel like a naive and ignorant child who is yet to come to terms with the realities of life. My fundas on life were somewhat shaken by people and their behaviour yesterday.Personally, I'm doing great.A caring and loving family solidly behind me,a decent career ahead of me(though not as good as I'd have wanted it to be,but my time will come). I don't have that 'girlfriend' whom I've to worry about. I actually realised today that though on the surface I might ooze oodles of sarcasm everytime I open my mouth,be unabashedly critical of things and people I don't like,but deep down I'm a very naive,unsophisticated kid. And I thought life is simple and it is left to the person living it to make it to complicated or uncomplicated to suit himself/herself. What amazes me is the extent people can make seemingly simple things so complicated things so complicated and have to go through so much trouble. And it's just not them,it also invloves a soul which has a heart(not sure about brains!) having feelings.Again,it is none of my business as to what people do with their lives,but they are people living with me and whether they know it or not,like it or not,care or don't care,they are a part of my life and my existance here. And I just can't digest when Pandit says,-'It's ok,happens'.But why put yourself through so much when I believe things can be much more simple.I might be making no sense here,I need to come down for that.Something here is not right and I'm just not able to come to terms with it.Maybe I care a bit too much for them and I hope when Jayanth said that they don't care about me anymore, he was only joking!I'm joking now,I have my support system perfectly in place.Sometimes,it's better not to 'grow up', if 'growing up' was what
happened tonight.

Checklist for further posts
1.The Delhi Trip
2.People I met-Handa,Karthik,Arjun.
3.My review of RDB.I'm closely involved with something related to RDB,hence this strong connection with RDB.Now,don't get thoughts of me working with Aamir or Rakeysh Mehra.This is something I'm doing in the college.

Carryovers from previous posts.
4. Why IITs will remain IITs and NITs NITs?(In context of Chaos and almost everything).
5. My movie plans.(Not watching, making!!!)Yes, the plans have fructified and work is on!!

P.S.And this.Will they send us home?!I hope they do!